When you know that your child is not good at doing certain things (sometimes it’s just so darn obvious), would you tell him that he’s just not born with the skill? Or you give him a praise to motivate him instead.
Will praises help your kid to become a smarter child? A research shows that it’s not necessarily true. Telling your child is smart will sometimes backfire.
What I will do is to tell him the truth. Everyone of us is born with certain talents and strengths. We can do certain things better and more easily than others. That’s a fact. I will ask my child to focus on his strengths and not weaknesses. Because you can’t improve weaknesses and the most you can get is an improved “weakness.” Still not a strength yet.
You know what, when your child is using his talents, he feels the joy and satisfaction. That’s what we want for our kids, right? That’s what it counts – to see our kids happy.
Unfortunately, the education systems in schools do not reflect this. The teachers want our children to be perfect in all areas. Is it possible? Yes, it is but you may need to trade off your child’s happiness, to some extent. That explains why I feel “sad and upset” when people focus so much on academic excellence. If this is true, all the professors in the universities are the most successful in the world. Which I think you know it’s not true. On the other hand, the highly successful people aren’t necessarily get the best grades at school.
So focus on your child’s talents and strengths and please don’t expect him to be perfect. Hey, nobody is perfect including you. So why would you want your child to be one anyway?
See Also…
The One Reason Why Your Child Can’t Be An All-Rounder
Raising Successful Children: An Interview with Anthony Spadafore on Nature vs Nurture
