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Abel Cheng's Archives

Family Trip: A Day in Ipoh

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Ipoh's Kek Look Tong
Kek Look Tong

My mother used to complain about traveling. She was not interested at all when I tried to take her along on one of our trips.

I don’t know for sure the exact reason. Perhaps the hassle of traveling or weak knees.

Nonetheless, now she is a changed person and she seems to be keen on going around as long as it’s not too hectic for her.

Taking cue from this, we planned and were on a road trip to Ipoh with my mother and brothers in the last school  holidays.

Of course, with my wife, J and K tagging along as well. [Read more…]

How to raise better children in an unfair way

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Raising better children
Photo Credit: .craig

Parents face different challenges at different stages of life of the children. When they are toddlers, they just do what we tell them to. No ifs or buts.

When they grow older, with intelligence improved, they will question the way you do certain things. They will not accept what you say without giving you trouble.

I have my way of raising J and K. Some are vastly different from what the majority of parents do. This, without a doubt, casts “dissatisfaction” in them, especially K. To be fair, I am not sure what J thinks of my parenting style but K takes me to task by questioning why I do what I do.

In fact, he didn’t ask me directly but to his mother. I only found out from my wife what K thought of the way I raised them.

We discussed in detail over dinner last week.

K raised some points that I will share with you below:

  • Why do I have to do housework while my friends don’t?
  • Why do my friends have 5 times more allowance than I do?
  • Why do my friends have the luxury to buy anything they wish without the need to convince the parents?
  • Why don’t my friends get scolded after they misbehave (eg: breaking a glass)?

K asked these questions after he starts comparing notes with his classmates. He feels that his friends are getting ahead of him in terms of materials or how they live their lives. He starts wondering why his friends can live a comfortable life while he has to “slave” himself doing chores and getting “paid” less in the form of an allowance.

I am not bothered by this problem. On the contrary I am happy and have been waiting for this moment. That shows my kids are beginning to think and I have again the opportunity emphasize the salient points of my parenting principles.

For the uninitiated, here is what I do with J and K:

  • I don’t buy everything they ask me to. I need convincing. Most of the time I say no.
  • I encourage (sometimes, force) them to do house chores. It’s even better if they do tasks for the whole family, not only for themselves.
  • I explain to them when they do something that is not appropriate. And if they fail to listen and repeat the same mistake/misbehavior, a punishment will be served.
  • I advise them to put less emphasis on materials. Instead, focus more on life experiences and relationships with others. In short, intangible things.
  • I want to inculcate the habit of saving. I don’t want them to spend more money than they have.

So why do I do these and, as a result, make J and K feel it’s unfair?

All in all, I can summarize the reason for this in one simple, easy to understand sentence: I want to raise J and K to be responsible, independent, emotionally mature children who are financially savvy without overindulgence in material stuff.

Being “unfair” has its advantages.

With all the restrictions and control, initially K felt the way I brought him up was unfair. There are so many things he can’t do. There are so many things he can’t buy. There are so many ways he can’t live like a king.

After explaining to them that evening, they can understand more why we do that. And they feel much better now that they know we have a reason for what we do and it’s not our intention to come here and purposely make their lives as miserable as possible.

For more tips on raising happy and well behaved children with less costs, check out my The Nonconformist’s Guide to Parenting.

More details, click here.

Taiping Day Trip

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Taiping Lake Gardens
Taiping Lake Gardens

If you know me well, I put a lot of emphasis on relationships. Hence, whenever possible, I would create opportunities for J and K to spend time with family members and friends. Just for them to mingle, play, joke, or… you get what I mean.

In the most recent school holiday, we took J and K to visit my parents-in-law. I thought putting them together would be sufficient to achieve my noble objective. [Read more…]

Family Day Trip to Carey Island, Banting and Jenjarom

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It’s a long weekend and something had to be planned so the 3-day break would not be wasted.

That’s what my wife said.

So to make use of the Labor Day (May Day) holiday, we decided to visit the Mah Meri Cultural Village where the place is still sadly unknown even to locals. We also took the opportunity to go around Banting and Jenjarom.

Credit must be given where it’s due. The trip would not have been possible (especially food hunting) without the help from my good friend, Maya Kirana, who was raised in Banting. Though I have been to these two places but due to her insider tips that I dared myself to explore Banting and Jenjarom deeper and wider.

Let’s dive in and see what we had done during the road trip. [Read more…]

Sex Education: How I talked about the birds and the bees with my children

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Birds and Bees
Photo Credit: allenmock

Last Sunday, after we finished our monthly hiking, we went to a small town nearby to have dinner. We were joined in by another family. J and K were having a fantastic moment.

I would expect them to doze off in the car on the way home after dinner since it was a hot and tiring day. Apparently that’s not how it turned out to be.

“Daddy, what’s wet dream? Do you still experience it?” asked K suddenly from the back seat, just a few minutes after I started the journey. [Read more…]